Make Your Love Bloom

There comes a time in a relationship when you get to the point of frustration, because it seems as if you've been making all the effort to make it work, but you end up disappointed and unappreciated. Sometimes you wish that your partner would be more attentive or more caring, but end up with him or her asking for the very same thing from you. Then you ask yourself "What am I doing wrong?"

Every typical best friend would advise you to "Just be yourself." Or say "He or she should love you for who you really are." But I am not your best friend, who would say anything to make you feel better. I am the bearer of the ugly truth that sometimes there are things that you do or say that could actually be irritating to your sweetheart. Just like everything else in this world, keeping a harmonious relationship takes a lot of understanding, patience, perseverance and one thing you may not have heard of before...is science.

I can just imagine you going... "Huh?" As you read the last one. But it's true. Why do you think they call compatibility as having "chemistry?" But kidding aside, it is not enough to accept the person's flaws. You must understand the psychology of why he or she is that way. It makes it easier to accept something that you understand, right?

You see, in a romantic relationship there are two roles to fill. Just like in a garden, there is a "Gardener" and there is a "Rose." One of you has to be the "Gardener" or the "Giver" and the other should be the "Rose" or the "Taker", to be able to gain the peace and balance you want in a relationship. How do you know if your lover is a "Gardener" or a "Rose"? Here are some traits that describe them.

THE GARDENER is the one who loves to pamper. This is the person who would cook for you, pick you up from school or from work even on a rainy day. This is the one who would give you a massage when you are tired; the one who will fix your closet for you or type your report even if it was 100 pages long. Yes, just like a real gardener, this person tries to give you all your needs and it makes him or her happy to do so. All that the "Gardener" wants in return is appreciation and love.

THE ROSE is another story. Well, just like a real rose, this person is a bit of a baby, needing to be cared for all the time. They are helpless without the gardener's attention and care. The rose likes being pampered. It makes them feel more loved and more beautiful when their partner serves them. The rose is the kind who would call or text out of the blue; just to make sure the gardener remembers that someone is waiting for him or her. The Rose likes being adored, and would make sure that he or she looks good for their sweetheart. They are often dependent and needy, so basically what a Rose would want from a partner is consistent care and attention.

A "Rose & Gardener" relationship may sound ideal, and if you find that you and your partner have it, I congratulate you; but as for the rest of us, we cannot choose who to fall in love with. There is no rule that says a rose can only fall in love with a gardener, and vice versa; that is when the conflicts arise.

Imagine if two roses were to be together, where each one demands for attention from the other and not get it; the relationship would end up cold and unrewarding. The rose then ends up seeking other gardeners for their needs.

Also, if two gardeners were to be together, with both of them trying so hard to please the other, then they both end up not getting the appreciation and love they seek. As a result, some gardeners tend to wander off to other roses. You know what I mean, and we don't want that to happen, right?

What should you do now? Well, for starters, ask yourself, which one are you? Are you the "Rose" or are you the "Gardener?" What about your partner? Reflect on your relationship and how it is going so far? At this point of your realization, you may want to consider what each of you need. You cannot change your partner, but you can start with yourself, to begin to reach out for that change you want.

You can start with being attentive to what your partner needs. If he/she is a "Rose" (and you are too), you might want to give him/her more attention by sending calls or texts within the day letting him/her know you care. Wake up in the morning and cook breakfast for your sweetie. Offer to spend time with your love and always keep your promises.

In case he or she is a "Gardener" (and so are you), you might want to step back a bit and let the other do the chores. Even if you want so much to organize things around the house, let your partner do it for you (if he or she offered to do so) and please learn to appreciate what has been done for you (even if you would rather do it yourself.) A simple "Thank you." would definitely do wonders for your relationship.

By now you may ask "What about my needs?" well, I guess you can make your partner read this article too and hope that he or she is also open to change for the better, right?

Lastly remember that for a relationship to work there has to be a give and take. There has to be an understanding of each other's needs and the willingness to make adjustments to keep your love abloom.

By Sheila Noreen Lopez - Gamo.